We do not hold on too long because we are cruel. Most of the time, we hold on because we care.
I once heard a doctor tell a family in a hospital room, "Your mother is trying to die." They loved her, so they kept bringing her back. And without ever meaning to, love became the thing that prolonged her pain.
We do the same thing with relationships, roles, and seasons of life that have already ended.
Read MoreMost of the damage is not caused by the ending.
It is caused by the refusal to let something end.
Years ago, a counselor told me that when an ending comes, you use a sharp knife. Not to be harsh. To be merciful.
A cruel cut debilitates. A clean cut liberates.
Read MoreMost of what I have feared never happened.
When I was preparing to leave ministry, I was afraid I would never have insurance again because of my cancer history. Three months after I resigned, I had better insurance than I had ever had as a pastor.
Fear almost always lives in what might be. Reality, even hard reality, gives us something to hold.
I wrote a new reflection on fear, waiting, and what fear costs us while we wait.
Read it at davidkpayne.com.
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Read MoreApproval can become a quiet prison.
There comes a point when peace has to become more important than being understood, included, or approved by every room.
That does not mean we stop loving people. It means we stop surrendering our soul to every opinion.
I wrote the final reflection in the Freedom series on choosing peace over approval.
Read MoreFreedom is not just permission.
It is responsibility with room to move.
Every new freedom carries weight. The decision is yours. The consequence is yours. The work is yours. The life being built is yours.
That does not make freedom less beautiful. It makes it more honest.
I wrote the next reflection in the Freedom series on why freedom and responsibility belong together.
Read MoreNot every boundary is a prison.
Some boundaries protect life. Some rules keep us from sliding off the rock. Some limits give us enough structure to live, work, love, and lead with wisdom.
But boundaries become dangerous when they stop protecting people and start replacing conscience.
That is the tension I am writing about in the next Freedom reflection.
Read MoreFreedom sounds good until the decision is yours.
Rules can restrict us, but they can also excuse us. Once the rule is gone, we have to think, choose, and carry the consequence of what we decide.
I wrote a new reflection about why freedom scares people, why some people ask to go back to the rules, and why real freedom requires responsibility.
Read MoreFreedom sounds beautiful until you realize it always sends a bill.
It can cost approval. It can cost relationships. It can cost comfort, money, and the old version of your life that other people understood.
But real freedom gives something back too: breath, peace, clarity, self-respect, and a soul that no longer has to survive by pretending.
I wrote a new reflection on what freedom has cost me and what it has given back.
Read MoreStarting again does not mean the story failed.
Sometimes it means the soul is still alive.
I am learning that starting again is not starting from nothing. It is starting with everything we have survived, everything we have learned, and everything life is still asking of us.
Maybe starting again is not proof that life has failed us.
Maybe it is proof that life is still calling us.
Read MoreLetting go is not always giving up.
Sometimes it is choosing life.
I am learning there is a difference between faithfulness and fear, between sacrifice and self-destruction, between carrying a responsibility and carrying a coffin.
Some things are meant to be repaired. Some things are meant to be endured. Some things are meant to be released before they destroy the light inside us.
Read MoreExistentialism resonates with me because it will not allow human beings to completely hide behind systems, roles, rules, or excuses.
Read MoreHonesty usually arrives before peace.
Most of us want peace, but many times we try to get it without telling the truth.
We stay busy. We stay useful. We stay needed. We stay responsible. And sometimes we call that health when it is really avoidance.
A living soul cannot survive indefinitely on pretense.
Read MoreBeing needed can feel like being loved.
So can being useful.
Being admired.
Being available.
Being the one people call when life falls apart.
But real love does not require you to disappear in order to remain wanted.
I’m learning the difference between being needed and being known.
Read MoreWork matters.
But work is not the point.
That sentence has taken me a long time to understand.
When you grow up around people who work hard, you can easily mistake work for life itself.
Read MoreFreedom is not just being able to do whatever we want.
A person can have options and still be ruled by fear, guilt, approval, appetite, resentment, or the expectations of others.
Real freedom requires consciousness, honesty, and discipline.
I’m beginning a new reflection on what I have learned about freedom.
Read more at davidkpayne.com.
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As the United States approaches its 250th birthday, the loudest arguments in public life are not only about laws and policies. They are about who owns the story of America and, too often, who owns the story of God.
Read MoreSo they gave him a choice.
Try again.
Or rest.
It was as if he was by the creek again.
He had done what he could do.
He had lived a good life.
He had provided life for his sons and for generations to come.
He was not perfect. No father is.
But he was honorable.
And I remember what he said:
“We’ll just trust God for the future.”
Read MoreProviding is something we do. Presencee is a choice we make.
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